For those of us who have always been neurodivergent, but discover that we are when we are adults, we can have a lot of feelings about how things could have been. Although this is something I have made peace with now, there are still things I wish my younger self knew about being neurodivergent.
- Life will be better after school.
Yes school is a miserable hell hole, and you are not being listened to. Everyone is being dismissive about your experiences and I know you are internalising this as a you problem but it really is not. School is failing in their duty of care to you and the adults are treating you as if you’re unreasonable when you are rightly begging to leave. I know this is all you’ve known in your living memory but life will get so much better after school. It won’t be easy, and it will be unconventional, but you won’t experience anything close to what you are going through now.
- You know you are different from the other kids, but that doesn’t mean you’re lesser than them.
I know you’re thinking not fitting in with the others is a bad thing right now, but that is only because the other kids are making you feel that way. It is not true though. There is nothing wrong with you because of your differences. If anything, the thing that is wrong is other people’s attitudes just because you are not like them.
- Normal won’t make you happy, you need to go on your own path.
I know you want to appear as normal as possible, and you will start to go down this path. However, seeking social acceptance in this way will destroy you. In fact you shouldn’t be seeking social acceptance as a way to get by in life. If you follow the herd, the only thing I can guarantee for you is unhappiness and debilitating mental health problems. You will find happiness but not in normality.
- You’ll always need cats in your life
I think you already know this one, but there was a 2 year period in your life where you didn’t have a cat. You are a lot better off with cats in your life, and will make significant life choices based solely on having a cat and providing for them.
- You’re not a ‘fussy eater’, there are genuine reasons why you have such strong responses to food.
I know you have experienced a lot of hostility around food and eating, with many people believing you are being purposefully “difficult” or “fussy”. I am here to tell you that you are not. Your body reacts to taste and texture in a different way to most and there is an underlying physiological reason, meaning a lot of food makes you gag and be sick if you attempt to eat it. It is not recognised yet, it is barely understood by others now. But you need to know it is not your fault or a moral failing for not being able to eat like other people.
- Using alcohol to get through social situations isn’t sustainable.
I know you are under a lot of pressure to socialise more than you can manage. Although alcohol may help in the moment, it’s not going to help. Plus you’re also fed up with experiencing an actual hangover alongside a social hangover for most of the weekend. The only solution is to socialise less. It will make you happier and your need to drink will disappear as you are not forcing yourself to socialise! You’re practically sober now without really trying by cutting down on socialising.
- Prioritise your sensory needs.
You know how you can stand wearing jeans due to how they feel on your skin? And the sound of fireworks makes you jump for your life? Yep, well there’s a reason for that and it’s all connected! However, the most important thing for you to know is you don’t have to tolerate these things to fit in with social norms. You don’t need to fit within the mould for other people’s comfort. Chances are if they are judgemental over such trivial things, then these people are not worth your time. So you may as well cut out the people pleasing to save time and energy.
- You will find people who get you.
I know you feel like very few people understand you right now (or only partially understand you), but as you better come to understand yourself, you will find more people who have more in common with you. As a result you will feel less misunderstood and be able to build great friendships on those differences you feel the need to hide to everyone right now.
- Google autism and ADHD (and particularly autism and ADHD in women).
Trust me this will explain a lot, you’re welcome in advance.
If you could go back in time, what would you tell your neurodivergent self? I’d love to know if it would be something similar? Or completely different?
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