EBB 321 – An Empowering, Trauma-Informed Home Birth with First-Time Mom and EBB Childbirth Class Graduate Iris Casey

Dr. Rebecca Dekker – 00:00:00:

Hey, everyone. On today’s podcast, we’re going to talk with Evidence Based Birth® Childbirth Class graduate Iris Casey about her empowering home birth story. Welcome to the Evidence Based Birth® Podcast. My name is Rebecca Dekker, and I’m a nurse with my PhD and the founder of Evidence Based Birth®. Join me each week as we work together to get evidence-based information into the hands of families and professionals around the world. As a reminder, this information is not medical advice. See ebbirth.com/disclaimer for more details. Welcome to today’s episode of the Evidence Based Birth® Podcast. I am so excited to welcome our guest, Iris Casey. Iris lives in Western Wisconsin with her husband, Will, their daughter, Roselle, and their two dogs, Poppy and Pugsley. Iris graduated with a bachelor’s degree in environmental public health in 2015 and has been working at a local public health department in the environmental health division for the past nine years. Iris’ journey to motherhood started in 2020. When she felt some societal pressure to decide if she wanted to have a baby. After the long process of deciding to become a mother, learning as much as possible, and trying to conceive, Iris got pregnant in September of 2022. She spent her pregnancy continuing to learn everything she could about birth, postpartum, and baby care, all while putting together her birth care team and support system, taking the EBB Childbirth Class with Rhonda Fellows and Heather Christine Stewart. Iris sees her journey to motherhood as her greatest challenge and accomplishment and a defining experience that has changed her life. We are so excited to hear your story. Iris, welcome to the Evidence Based Birth® podcast.

Iris Casey – 00:01:49:

Thanks so much for having me. I’m really excited.

Dr. Rebecca Dekker – 00:01:51:

I’m curious if you could talk a little bit about, you said you wanted to decide first to become a mother. So what were some of the factors that then led you to that decision?

Iris Casey – 00:02:03:

Yeah, that’s a really good question. That’s kind of also part of what led me to finding Evidence Based Birth® and deciding to take the Childbirth Class too. Yeah, I just had this ambivalence. I just had a hard time. Really knowing like what I wanted. My whole kind of like teen years and early adult life, I just was kind of like, I don’t want kids. I do want kids. I’m putting this off. I can wait till I’m 30. I don’t know why I chose that number for myself. Because then as I was getting closer and closer to 30, there was like a lot of pressure. I put on myself kind of unnecessarily, but I found a really awesome book. And there’s- You can also join a program. The book is called Motherhood – Is It For Me?. And it’s kind of like a step by step guide that you work through different exercises. And it’s really kind of taking back to like what… What is a mother to you? Like, what do a lot of these things mean that I hadn’t really realized were kind of sitting under the surface and I was ignoring? So it’s supposed to take 12 weeks and it took me a lot longer to work through it. But it was a really good experience because I at the end, I was able to realize I did have a desire to be a mother. And I had a decision at that time that I needed to do some more counseling. That was kind of like my first step into realizing that like finding a counselor would be really beneficial to me. So those are some of the pieces that led me to making that big decision of trying to get pregnant.

Dr. Rebecca Dekker – 00:03:30:

Yeah. And so, as you were gathering more information, then how did that lead you to Evidence Based Birth®?

Iris Casey – 00:03:36:

A little bit of a roundabout way. But when I started counseling, I was able to kind of recognize some traumatic experiences, I guess, in some of the interactions I had with health care providers in my youth and kind of teen years. Just a few instances where my body autonomy was violated. And it was really hard to kind of realize that and realize that was impacting my decision, too. That’s part of the reason why I had such a hard time deciding what I wanted to do, because there were these other pieces that I was not really working on. 

And one of those really specific traumatic situations was feeling really coerced around my first pelvic exam when I was 16, when I was trying to renew my birth control prescription. It was kind of like, if you want to renew this prescription, you have to do this exam. And I really didn’t know kind of what it entails because I, you know, my mom didn’t talk to me about it. Yeah. Even there, it just, it was really traumatic because I didn’t feel like I had a choice in the matter. I really wasn’t given informed consent. Now that I know what informed consent was, I really wasn’t given that about the procedure, what it would include, that kind of thing. And I just felt really, really vulnerable and really powerless. And afterwards, I just…felt really violated and that just really stuck with me. So it just really stuck with me and kind of affected my pregnancy and birth choices because I realized I was really scared of being put back into that situation. 

Every time I would kind of think about having to go to a hospital to have a baby and being naked and vulnerable and like in that space, it was really scary and kind of brought up some of those past traumas. And at the same time, I was introduced to midwifery from a coworker who was actually going to midwifery school, which was really awesome. I did thank her after the birth of my daughter to be like, thanks so much for introducing me to midwifery. I had no clue what it was before. So thank you to her. So I started to learn some more about that. And she recommended seeing a certified nurse midwife because I wanted to do a preconception consult. And I felt a lot more comfortable with the idea of like midwifery and kind of what, you know, what they offered with more holistic care. So I went and saw a CNM in the hospital system that I had been going to kind of my whole life. And it was a good experience. And I remember asking her to give me some resources because I am an information gatherer. I like all the information. So by this point, I had already read like the Mayo Clinic Pregnancy Book to be like, what would I be getting myself into with pregnancy? And like, what does birth look like? So I read all those things. And she was the person who directed me to Evidence Based Birth®. 

So that’s how I found out about you. And I remember it was like that first night. When I got the message through the portal, I like went in and downloaded all the articles and I was reading all of the things. And then I started listening to the podcast the next day and I was just binging podcast topics. I love the birth story. So I’m really excited to be able to share mine with other people. And some of the podcasts really stood out to me. And one of them that I remembered was Mandy Irby’s. And I wrote the number down. It’s 225. She was talking about trauma-informed childbirth education and care. And that one really struck a chord with me. It was… like in a way, she was really like speaking to me. And I remember I was listening to it in the car for work. I have to kind of drive in between different places. I was listening to it in the car and just started crying just because it really it was it was good. It was emotional, but the information kind of gave me a spark of positivity like that there is hope. It’s not like inevitably going into, you know. Birth is going to be really scary, that there’s hope for people that are really trauma-informed and can take good care of me in that situation. So that was one, but there are so many awesome podcasts. So I listened to all of those. I learned a lot from all those resources. And I knew my husband also needed to learn some things too. So that’s where the Childbirth Class came in.

Dr. Rebecca Dekker – 00:07:45:

Yeah, wow, that is really fascinating. Thank you for sharing that and being vulnerable and talking about your traumatic experience as a teenager because you are not the first person who has told me something similar. I had a close family member go through a similar traumatic experience where she was coerced into an exam in order to get birth control for medical reasons. And we learned later, looking at the research together, that actually the guidelines don’t even recommend that. It should not be required, but some practitioners still present it as like, you can’t get this until you let me do this to your body. And you’re right, it is violating and it’s gross and it’s traumatic. And I hadn’t really made the connection though that some people’s early experiences as teenagers with healthcare providers could be the factor in whether or not they decide to have children. A lot of providers just don’t even think about the impact they’re having on someone. So thank you for sharing that. And also I agree for someone who’s had traumatic GYN care. Having the midwifery model of care can be really healing. And which is why I chose a midwife for my GYN care when I needed it because of my family members experience. So I totally get what you’re saying. And thank you for sharing that. You also mentioned when you wrote in that you read the Babies Are Not Pizzas book. Can you talk a little bit about that and how that changed your thinking as well?

Iris Casey – 00:09:17:

Yeah. Yeah, I really enjoyed that book. When I was kind of thinking back for the interview today, I was like, I really need to listen to it. I really need to re-listen to it or re-read it. At the time, it was just like perfect timing, I felt like, for me to listen to it. And when I heard your first birth story, it kind of summed up the experience that I didn’t want to have, you know, in the hospital. And it was just like, yeah, that’s really not what I want. I knew enough at that point to be like that. I need to avoid that. That’s not a safe place for me to be. Going through your story and getting to you deciding to have a home birth, it just brought that idea back up to me. So when I was a teenager, I also watched The Business of Being Born. I don’t know. I don’t know why. And it was very, like, intriguing at the time. But that was still when I was like, I’m not having kids. I was like 16 or 17. I don’t know. But that’s interesting. But I’m not having kids. So the seed was planted then. And it kind of flourished a little bit when I heard about your story and just the really like. Total polar opposite experiences that you had. It was really nice that both of them were there. I mean, for me, it was nice to see both of the experiences and just like how different it can be. And at the same time, I was like, oh, well, that’s cool. But it’s not for me. And then as I finished listening to the book, it was awesome. And as the days went on, it just kind of came up for me like, why is that not for me? Why did I assume right away that home birth is not for me. I just had to really like dig into it a little bit more. And I started to realize that really. It is the right choice for me because I will have an opportunity to build a relationship with a midwife over that, you know, all of those weeks. And I know that that’s the person that’s going to show up for me. I can be in my house, in my safe space, especially like during the pandemic, my house really did become my safe space. Like I look forward to being there and I felt really comfortable there. So I started to put all of my like research efforts into looking at home birth stuff and it just kept coming up for me like, yes, yes, yes, this is what I need to do. This is the right path for me. So I really appreciate the opportunity to read the book and help push me in that direction.

Dr. Rebecca Dekker – 00:11:32:

Interesting. Okay. So, you know, the seed was planted early, then you were learning and reading more and you realize that for you in a trauma informed way, that home was where you felt safest, which everybody’s different. Some people would feel the opposite. Tell us about the EBB Childbirth Class. And what was your experience like taking the class with Heather Christine and Rhonda?

Iris Casey – 00:11:54:

Yeah. So I, the class was amazing. We chose to do that class because we don’t have any instructors in Wisconsin, actually, when I was taking the class. I don’t know if that’s changed. But when I was looking for instructors, we didn’t have any in our area. So I really felt like it was important to me to have someone that was like close by just to have maybe kind of like a regional knowledge. So that’s why I chose the class with Heather Christine and Rhonda. And theirs was nice because they had a virtual option. So you could do virtual the whole time. And then some of the classes could also be in person. We thought about going to the classes, but they were, it was about an hour and a half away. So when you factor in the drive time, plus the class time, plus being pretty pregnant, it was, we decided to stick with virtual, but it was okay because they made the class super engaging, even with it being virtual. And with us being the only family that didn’t go in for those in-person days, they really included us in everything, which was awesome. I went into the class feeling pretty confident about the nuts and bolts. Like I said, I had spent all of my time up until then, like really constantly-

Dr. Rebecca Dekker – 00:13:04:

Reading about pregnancy.

Iris Casey – 00:13:04:

Yeah, all of that podcast, all the things. So I felt like I was mostly doing the class for my husband, Will. I was like, I need to have something. I need to bring him on board so he can learn about this. He was kind of avoiding, um, learning things. I think he felt like. I don’t know what he thought. Maybe if he avoided it long enough, it wouldn’t happen.

Dr. Rebecca Dekker – 00:13:22:

I mean, that is a coping strategy. A lot of people use avoidant coping strategy.

Iris Casey – 00:13:27:

Yeah. It’s funny because we’re opposites. I want to know all the information. He didn’t want to know any. But he joined the class. And I’ll say even for me, it really exceeded my expectations of what I would learn. I didn’t know exactly what it would be like, but I figured it would be kind of a lot of the basic stuff. But there was so much, so much more than just like. What birth is, is so much more. When I was thinking back, my favorite things were learning about the three-legged stool of evidence-based care, because I really appreciated that, like, research, I think, is important and educated provider, but that family preferences were on the same level as those. Just the fact that our family preferences mattered that much was really, really great to learn. And there’s so many other resources too, like the acupressure videos are really good. I think the advocacy and human rights information was really important for me. And also to have the opportunity to kind of pass it on to Will in case there was a situation where we ended up in the hospital and needing the hospital care. I wanted him to have that knowledge and that information. That’s also what made us decide to hire a doula so that I would have that continuous support from home to hospital. Too, yeah, I really also liked that there was videos to watch in between classes. There’s so much good information during the class, but then all of the videos during the week, we would sit down after work and like watch a video or two together and just have an opportunity to talk about, you know, what we’re learning and him ask questions and us talk about our plans with doing different things. So it was a really good experience.

Dr. Rebecca Dekker – 00:15:03:

It sounds like you covered all the bases. So you were ready for a home birth. You were ready if you had to transfer to the hospital. You had your partner on board. You had a doula. Did you have any other preferences for your home birth? Like I know typically a birth plan for a home birth is not as. In depth, but like, what were some of the things you were hoping for?

Iris Casey – 00:15:24:

Yeah, I tried to kind of visualize what it would be like, but I had very little frame of reference. I had like the, you know, story that society gives you or like from movies as my frame of reference. So I was trying to create something different for myself, imagining that birth would last a long time, just to try to have myself in the mindset of like, this might take a while. So I didn’t get overwhelmed with how long it was. I also thought I would probably go to 42 weeks, just because I’m like, of course, like first time mom, you go to 42 weeks, it takes a really long time. I’m just imagining like all the outliers just so I don’t get overwhelmed with that.

Dr. Rebecca Dekker – 00:16:00:

So you wouldn’t be disappointed or? Yeah.

Iris Casey – 00:16:02:

I kind of, and we, we got a birth tub, too. So we were planning on having the water, just going to be at home. Initially, my plan was I have a couple of family members that live with us too, plus our dogs. So we were going to have everybody be out of the house, but then the plans changed. So then one of the family members was leaving, and then one was going to watch the dogs in the basement. So we were trying to figure all that out. But I just thought during early labor, I’d be able to kind of prep some food up for the midways and just like enjoy the time and maybe make a birthday cake or something from different podcasts I heard. I was like, that sounds really fun. Spoiler, that was not, that wasn’t quite my story. But, um, so just kind of general frame of reference, I guess. And one thing that we talked about close to the end when I was getting kind of nervous about it was that we had, Will would say, like we had the golden ticket from class. It was a nice reminder that, you know, we had, we had us, we had our midwives that we knew and had gotten to know, and then we had our doula. So like everything was in place at towards the end, had a lot of like some stress about different things or, you know, around trying to get everything done at work. And dealing with insurance and trying to do appeals for them to cover the home birth, which didn’t end up happening. And that’s really a disappointing part of our system, I feel like. Yeah. And just managing all of the things like my biggest questions at the end are like, when is this going to happen? And what is it going to feel like? That’s what I kept asking the midwives. Like, what is this going to feel like? Cause I just didn’t feel like I could really be prepared. Like I knew I had all the knowledge I hadn’t, I didn’t need any more knowledge at that point. It wouldn’t have helped me with anything, but I was just like, when and what, what will it feel like? Can I handle it? I don’t know. So.

Dr. Rebecca Dekker – 00:17:48:

Ah, we’ll find out. So how did your birth story begin then?

Iris Casey – 00:17:54:

Funny. It actually started right on my estimated due date, which was just felt really ironic because like I said, I was prepared to go for the long haul. So the night before I had gotten everything done with work and like finished everything just so I’d be ready. So maybe that was a cue for baby that it was time. And I woke up really early in the morning. At that point, it wasn’t uncommon to be waking up and going to the bathroom a lot. So again, just kind of woke up and I felt a little crampy. That was kind of the first time I felt anything because I didn’t have any like practice contractions or Braxton Hicks up to that point. So I just got up and went to the bathroom and just went back to bed. I kind of ignored it. Didn’t look at the time or anything. But my estimate is it’s around like 2, 2.30, something like that. After about another half hour or so, I got up and then I looked at the clock and it was three. And it was kind of the same thing of like, oh, I feel a little crampy. I have to go to the bathroom. Then afterwards, I just went back to bed. It was kind of like instinctual. I don’t know. I really wasn’t realizing what was happening totally. I just was like, it’s too early to get up and I’m tired. So I kept waking up at first. It was like, yeah, 30 minutes. And then it moved to about every 20 minutes. And then about every 15 minutes, I’d get up and go to the bathroom and then go back to bed because I just couldn’t lay down during that time. So it was right before six o’clock when I was like, yeah, okay, this is this is really happening. I need to download like a contraction timer to figure out like how. You know, how things are going, then that’s about the time that we wake up for the day. So I was waiting for Will outside the bathroom to be like. Something’s happening. And he’s like, are you sure? And I was like, yeah, I’m pretty sure that things are happening. It was just funny. I think he was really caught off guard and he wasn’t expecting it either.

Dr. Rebecca Dekker – 00:19:39:

Right. And this had been kind of going on in the early hours of the morning and he wasn’t aware.

Iris Casey – 00:19:44:

Yeah, he was just sleeping through everything. He had no clue I was getting up and up and laying back down over and over again. So since I thought it might be a longer time, I was like, well, let’s see. We’ll kind of start our morning and see if you’re going to go to work or not. Then we decided to walk the dogs around and we have a pretty big yard. So we usually just kind of walk around the yard. We went outside and in the normal like 10, 15 minute walk, I had to stop about three times. And I would just stop and kind of like close my eyes and it would pass. It was pretty easy. But by then it was like, yeah, you’re not going to go to work today. None of us are going to work today. Something’s happening here. At that point, when we got back inside, I decided to text the midwives and let them know, like, things are starting up. It was on one of their days that they’re at the office having appointments. So I wanted to make sure that they knew what was going on. After a contraction, I felt like water leaking, warm water leaking down my leg. And I’m like, oh, okay. So now this might be some fluid or the usual that everybody says, like, is this here? Is this? My bag of waters. I don’t know. But I text them that update too. And also let the doula know at that point that things were happening. And it was totally clear fluid. And it kind of just kept having small gushes at the end of contractions. So it was like, this is kind of fun. It wasn’t not not a big gush ever, but just that small kind of leak early on there. And by that point, contractions were already about like five minutes apart and lasting a minute. Um, so this was kind of like, this was the time where I imagined that it’d be early labor, and I would be trying to like prep stuff and do stuff and just like having a fun, easeful time. But that only left me about four minutes in between each contraction to do things. So I was more focused on trying to eat breakfast. I tried to eat some toast, which was challenging. It took me almost like a whole hour to eat a piece of toast. I reached out to my work just to let them know what was going on. What’s interesting is my supervisor, also was pregnant at the same time as me, and we were due right around the same time. And then our friend was also due at the same time. So all three of us were right within like a week of each other. 

And when I called in, then I found out that all three of us were also in labor at the same time. Yeah, really, really wild. Yeah, I talked to work and let them know what was going on and kind of tried to hide that I was actually like having contractions and trying to talk through them. But then I was able to kind of put that off my list. Luckily, at that time, Will had started to realize that he needed to set up the birth space because I didn’t even think about that. So he was in the, I was mostly spending my time in the bathroom and he was across the hall in the nursery, like struggling to get waterproof sheets on mattresses. And he was just really struggling over there. And when we talked about it afterwards, he was like, I was really frustrated. Now it’s funny, but he was just kind of worked up about it. Very frazzled. He, we had the tub blown up already, but he had to fill it up with water. So he’s trying to hook up the hose. He forgot to put the waterproof kind of protector in the bottom of it. So during a contraction, I had to yell out, stop! Cause I knew he forgot to put it in there. So then he had to take it outside and go dump the water out. So it’s just one of those things where it’s not smooth. And around this time was when… The midwives had sent kind of a check-in update and they said, eat often and enjoy the day. And because things were kind of happening a little bit more quickly than I thought they would during kind of like an early time, I had a funny reaction to like, enjoy the day. I was like, oh, I don’t, not really like in a space to just enjoy this.

And it wasn’t that I was not enjoying it. It was just like, not as easeful as I thought it would be. It wasn’t like cake baking time. It was like working through contractions time. I spent time moving through like different rooms. I just kind of would try like the living room and leaning over the couch or try in the bathroom and leaning over the tub and sitting on the toilet. I just kind of kept moving around in some of the spots. Like one time I laid down and I almost got like stuck in a contraction laying on the bed and it was very uncomfortable. So then I did not go back there, but it was kind of nice. I was just able to like move about my space and be comfortable with it and do my thing. During this time, I, since it was 40 weeks, I was taking weekly pictures up to that point. And I told Will, I need to have a picture of this. Like I need to have my 40 week picture. I was really adamant about it. So we were able to grab one. And if there’s, there’s about five pictures and you can kind of see like at the beginning, a contraction, my face is just like. I’m really trying to smile and then it goes into easeful. So I got a sweet picture right at the end of my giant belly with baby there. So I got my picture, which was important to me. And when I was kind of going back to think about this time, I realized I had just lost a lot of time. Like the concept of time like we have now, it just wasn’t there. It was just like moving through contractions. So the time between like 8 and 10 a.m., I was just doing my thing and really was able to surrender to it, which I’m pretty proud of just to kind of go out of my thinking brain, which I spend a lot of time in and just like be with what was going on in my body. So I lost some of that time. But closer to 10 a.m. Was when things started to get a little bit more tough for me. And the contractions were about three minutes apart then.

Dr. Rebecca Dekker – 00:25:18:

And still no doula and no midwives there.

Iris Casey – 00:25:21:

No, we were just messaging throughout that like 8 to 10 time and just kind of gave them updates here and there. Yeah, I had to talk to I called the doula because she hadn’t got back to me. So I told I called her to make sure and she was just getting up because she came off of a couple of births. So she was sleeping in. But I didn’t tell them at that point that I needed them yet. So, um, that’s like kind of one of my turning points of realizing, um, that I needed more. Around that time, I was having a lot of like hands-on support from Will and he learned all of those skills from the videos with you and your husband, which was awesome. So he was, he was putting all of his, um, his work in to do that hands-on support. And a lot of times it felt good. Other times I was like, ah, it’s just like, you’re not doing it right. Or I don’t know what I need. This just isn’t quite working. I was just trying to figure it out. Um, and I passed on communication over to Will. Like at that point, I still had had my phone and was trying to track contractions every so often to figure out. And I tried the shower. So that brought some relief, um, being in the shower when I was in there. That’s when I had some of my, like some big thoughts about just starting to feel really overwhelmed by like the frequency and intensity, because it, to me, since I had just like gotten up for the day around six, it was like, it’s only 10. It’s only been four hours. And things are like moving pretty quick when in reality, I just kind of slept through a lot of that early labor. I kind of kept going back to bed during that time. The thoughts were, I understand why people go to the hospital and get pain meds. That was one that came up pretty quick. 

I also thought, I don’t know if I can keep doing this if this goes on for another 24 hours. That probably should have been a sign for me, but I really wasn’t in like my big thinking brain at that point. It was just kind of like, these thoughts are coming in. Um, and I also thought maybe I’m not strong enough to do this. So when I got out of the shower, I was like, just feeling kind of out of control with like, what is happening? Is this normal? I think was also just like, I didn’t really know exactly what to expect. So when Will was updating the doula around this point, and she said, Okay, well, I’ll check back in 30 minutes and see how things were going. I kind of had a panicky moment of like, both. Okay so she’ll check in 30 minutes and then I knew she was about 30 minutes away from me I’m like that’ll be like an hour before I would have her here and I was like yep I need help I need support I mean need my support people here so it’s kind of like a turning point for me to be like this is really happening like this I’m at this stage that I’m at not that this is still early labor and I need to like hold off longer um but that I could call in the support people so as soon as I knew he was kind of talking to both of them separately but we found out in the background that they’re um friends too so the doula and the midwives were also texting about like oh so then when Will talked to um one of our midwives on the phone and she kind of heard what was going on and everything she’s like okay I’m coming so then we got the the ETA and they were all planning on coming um just right before 11 o’clock they were all going to show up so. So that was nice to know. Once I knew they were coming, I felt some relief. Just being like, I’m not going to be here, you know, bless Will. But he just wasn’t the, he wasn’t able to be like, this is normal. You’re doing good. He just was trying to go along with it.

Dr. Rebecca Dekker – 00:28:35:

He was new to it as well.

Iris Casey – 00:28:37:

Yeah. And that was one of the only times that he. I saw his face and he looked a little bit panicked or a little bit nervous during that time because I had started to like an hour before that started to like vocalize just naturally during contraction. So things were like getting kind of loud and kind of intense. And I was just I was overwhelmed. So he’s probably picking up on that. So that was the only time that he like I saw his composure a little bit like. So I’m thinking he was pretty happy they were coming to to get some support for him as well. And like I said, I spent a lot of my time in one of our bathrooms. That was just like, it’s funny that people say that, but that’s just where I navigated. It wasn’t a conscious choice. It was just between like leaning over the tub and sitting on the toilet and kind of going back and forth between contractions. The funny thing was when I would try to get up off the toilet, there’s like a towel bar there, but it’s really not very strong. So one time I just pulled it right off the wall. So if I do this again, I’ll have to think of something more sturdy to help hoist myself up and down off the toilet. Uh, so like I said, they were all arriving right around 11. It was nice. Cause they sent their like ETA down to the minute. It was like the first midwife ETA, this, and then the doula and then the other. So they have, um, they had the main midwife, they had a training midwife. She was really close to getting the number of births that she needed to be licensed. Um, and then they also bring an assistant with, and then our doula. So there’s four ladies coming to support me. 

And as soon as our doula Rhonda got there, she kind of just went into action and just was helping with like hip squeezes and things because my back was really aching a lot at that point. And then Jade, the training midwife was there all of a sudden and in between contractions, like very gently just asked if she could check on baby, which I thought was really sweet. Like she didn’t really, neither of them really brought me out of like my focus. Like they were there, but I was still able to do what I needed to do. And I remember a little bit later seeing Sarah, the assistant kind of walking in the hallway and setting all the things up that they needed to do. Um, and then I saw Erin, the main midwife, she popped into the bathroom and was adjusting the water for the birth tub, which I again, had forgotten all about as an, even an option. I was just really stuck in the- stuck in the bathroom. It was funny too. When I saw her, I told myself, I’m not going to get back on the toilet because it was like so hard to get on and off. But then all of a sudden I was on it again. So there’s something about being on the toilet, I guess. One thing that looking back, I thought was interesting. I had peeled off. I was always wearing compression socks towards the end because my legs were pretty swollen. So I’d taken off the compression socks and like gotten all my clothes off to get in the shower. And afterwards I had a towel on, but it was just too hard to try to manage holding a towel. And I thought I’ll probably go back in the shower. 

So by the time they showed up, I just didn’t have anything on at all. And I didn’t even care at all, which was really nice. I wasn’t worried about it. And that was one thing when I was kind of thinking, you know, early on about like going into the hospital and having to be like naked and vulnerable. And it turns out in this scenario, it wasn’t even a second thought. So I appreciate that. And soon after that, Erin said that the birth tub was ready. So she’s like, do you want to try to get in? And I’m like, I guess I’ll try it. And going from the bathroom across the hall to the baby’s room, it wasn’t too hard to like get over there. But then I kind of got stuck just like standing there with the contraction because they were happening so fast. And I was like, I want to go back to the bathroom to my safe space. But I just held out for that one. And then I was able to get into the tub. And at first, because I remember listening to people saying like, sometimes they felt kind of like ungrounded or something in the tub. So when I first sat down and tried to sit on the little seat, and I was kind of leaning back and like floating up, it definitely was not comfortable. It kind of reminded me of sitting on the toilet and being like, stuck down. But then I was able to kind of flip over. So I was leaning over the edge of the tub with my knees down. And that was that was pretty comfortable. I didn’t have a lot of conscious thought of like, oh, this is bringing me like a lot of relief or this is feeling really good because things just kept moving. There wasn’t really a lot of option for like sitting and dwelling with something. But afterwards, a doula friend had asked me, she had a home birth, too. 

And she asked if the tub gave me a lot of relief because she decided not to have one. And I was like, I’m not sure because at the same time, the tub felt like it happened at the same time as when all of my support people got there. So I got like a big boost of support from the people and like the physical support and the tub all at once. But looking back, I definitely feel like it gave me more ease than I realized at the time because it was intense, but it was more comfortable than sitting on the toilet or kind of leaning over the tub or the bathtub in the bathroom without water. So. And I mostly during this time had my eyes closed in that room. We have a really bright green room, but I mostly would just have my eyes closed during the contractions. And then sometimes after them, I’d like open them up. So I’d get like little glimpses of like people’s faces or I’d look outside. And it was a super bright day where I had pictured that it might be like nighttime. It was just like this bright, sunny, beautiful day. And it was right around noon. So it was just like coming through the windows and I could see a tree outside just kind of like blowing in the wind. Now I call that my baby’s best friend tree because it was there when she was born. But that’s one of my fond memories, seeing it out the window between a contraction. 

And I was getting super hot around this time. So they were able to bring a fan in, which was really nice. And also some cloths with hot water – or cloths with ice water to put on my neck and my forehead. And I also got a popsicle. So other than that piece of toast and chocolate milk I had tried to eat earlier in the day, I ate a popsicle, which was really, it was really good. I had a lot of sips of water in between. People would just kind of put the water bottle up and I would just instinctively take a sip of it. So that worked out pretty well. And Will was right by my side the entire time. He was holding this left hand and just like there and he never moved, which was amazing. He was just always there. Right around noon was when things kind of intensified a little bit. And I told them that I was feeling sick and thought I was going to throw up. So they gave me an ice cream bucket that I had planned for the placenta. That was my plan to put the placenta in after birth. And it’s kind of a funny ice cream bucket story because when I was gathering all of my birth supplies, I was like, I need something for the placenta. 

So I reached out to my mom and I was like, Mom, you got some kind of bowl that I can put the placenta in? She’s like, no, but I wonder if an ice cream bucket would work. You should ask your grandma. So I called my grandma and asked her about it. And she has a lot of stuff. So she set one aside for me. And my cousins had to go pick it up. So it was like this whole family story of like, why does Iris need an ice cream bucket? And teaching my teenage cousins about the placenta and like, you know, how that works. So I just kind of, they even talk about it now. It’s kind of funny. And it had its, yeah, it’s a dual purpose of potentially being a bucket if I had to throw up. I didn’t, which was really nice, but I definitely felt like it. So that was probably a sign of the second stage that now I realize. And at the time, I just felt sick. And I had to hold on to that bucket from there until she was born. Like it was in my hand also while I was holding Will’s hand. So like the bucket was around my thumb and then the rest was Will’s hand. And at one point they were like, I don’t think you’re going to throw up anymore. We can take the bucket. The doula said that and she went to try to take it. I was like, no, I need that. I just had to have it. And even Will was like, I think we should just let her have it. And so, during the contractions when I was really vocalizing, I’d kind of have my head down by the bucket. So it was like really intensify, intensifying the sound, really echoing it back to everybody. So that was fun for them too, I’m sure. This time also was kind of a blur. Like I really have little, you know, little peaks of like looking outside or looking at Will’s face. I remember seeing the assistant kind of there with a midwife in the hallway and then Erin scooching back out of my sight because she always was like, I don’t want people to feel watched during birth. So she just always tried to be kind of out of, out of sight. And otherwise, I was just like working, working through it. So I had another kind of turning point around this time. Where Jade had said to try to like lower my tone and imagine pushing downwards. 

So I hadn’t realized at that point that I was pushing apparently. But that kind of made it click in my brain of like, oh, that’s what’s happening. It’s like the contraction. And then at the end, I’m feeling a lot of like really strong downward pressure. And when I realized, I kind of was able to like pull back from going all in on it, because all the other times I just was just going with it and kind of had surrendered to it. But I realized and I could feel the like push kind of contraction towards the end, just like fizzle out earlier than the previous ones. And I knew that I had kind of made that decision to be like, I don’t really want this is intense. I don’t really want to do this. So I had made it kind of stop short. And I knew that if I wanted to kind of keep moving forward that I really needed to go in and go into it. And I couldn’t stop or get up there. So I had to surrender again, even though I was like, I just want this to be kind of done. So another kind of moment for me, this was really close towards the end, I believe. And I was asking the doula, where are my breaks? I was like, where’s the break? I’m not getting any breaks, because contractions were almost like back to back. And then by the time I tried to like kind of catch my breath and have a little bit of easeful moment, it was just happening all over again. And around this time too, I was telling them that things were hurting pretty bad. And they were very reassuring, which was nice. And just like, yes, we know it is. And you’re doing a really good job, which I appreciated just like their presence and their energy was just like, all around me and holding me during that time, which and it was really hard, but it was I needed them. 

So I also wanted to get kind of out of the situation and be like, either be done with it or be on the other side. I didn’t know I was just like, oh, my gosh, at this point, like, this has been going on a long time. It’s very intense. And I realized I have nowhere to go. There’s nowhere to go or nothing else to do at this point. Like going to the hospital wouldn’t do anything. Like I just, here I am, I need to do this. This is what’s happening. And I had to surrender again. So there was just a couple of those reminders where, um, I would kind of go into my thinking brain for a minute and I had to just give in and follow along with, um, with the birth story that was unfolding there. Around, well, 1:17pm, her head emerged, which was, wow, that was an intense time. People describe it as the ring of fire. But for me, it really felt like kind of like tearing. Not the most pleasant experience, but so close to the end there, which was amazing. And I was not prepared at all for her head rotating or head and body rotating. That was intense for me. Just everything was, you know, kind of raw, I guess, from just birthing her head. And then she rotated. 

And that’s before that the midwives had said, like, try to remember to keep your bottom in the water. Sometimes people feel like they need to stand up. Sure enough, as soon as she started moving, it was just kind of jarring. So I kind of tried to stand up, but they they were there to help keep me in the water. Then at 1:19pm, she, the rest of her body came out with a contraction. I don’t remember any time in between that. It all seemed like it just happened all at once, but there was two minutes. So that second contraction, she came out, the doula and the midwife kind of helped flip me over and bring her up onto my chest. And I just grabbed her and put her right on my chest. We didn’t know the gender. We decided not to find out when we did our ultrasound. So I’ve just like, oh, here’s a baby. Here’s a baby. And I was kind of in shock at that point because things had felt really intense and then they were just suddenly done. It was just like, happening like a I don’t know, train going downhill. 

And then all of a sudden it’s just. Done. All the sensations in my body were just done. And then there’s a tiny baby there. And I realized that I had kind of a disconnection between birth and ending up with a baby. Like it was all like so focused on. The things that were going to be happening and not the outcome of my baby was going to be there. So I was kind of almost confused and like had a little bit of disbelief. And she was just like there and staring up at us. And I don’t remember her crying right away, but Will said she cried pretty quick after that. And there was no, there was like no concern. She was just there. It was kind of like a timeless moment almost of like, oh, what’s happening? And the midwives were able to kind of check in. Check in with her and make sure everything was good. And she was crying and she was covered in vernix all over her back, which was just fun. And I was just, yeah, getting to meet our baby. After a little bit, the doula had said something like, I think she maybe said something like he something or another. And our midwife, Erin had made kind of like a noise. And I was like, oh, what? Like I had totally forgot that we were planning on having Will figure out if we’re having a boy or girl and announce it and tell her name. She was like, oh, I don’t know. I actually just assumed. So he went around and looked because we were still in the tub for a little while afterwards. And it’s like, it’s a girl. And they they took some really sweet photos of when she was just born. Like I have pictures of the minute that she was born. And I have pictures during labor and seeing her come out, which was fun. It’s fun to look back on. And a video of them saying it’s a girl and me just like, oh, really? Like, I just I had no idea. I think I kind of thought that she was a boy. So. And we named her Roselle Jean. Yeah.

Dr. Rebecca Dekker – 00:43:20:

Wow.

Iris Casey – 00:43:21:

That’s such a fun time.

Dr. Rebecca Dekker – 00:43:24:

It’s and you made it through, like you said earlier, like I want this to be done. But the only way for it to be done is to go through it. You kind of realize I have no choice in this moment, but to push this baby out. Yep. And I love how you kept talking about the different moments where you had to remind yourself to surrender, you know, get back into your body and out of your head. And then the whole shock of there being a baby at the end. My husband always jokes that, you know, people like, what is it? And he’s like, well, it’s not a puppy. You know, it’s like you’re giving birth to a baby. But sometimes you’re like, what is this? You know? Yeah. It’s a baby. So exciting.

Iris Casey – 00:44:03:

Yeah, it was really fun. During, during pregnancy, I felt I really wanted to do more and more to connect. And I felt like I just had a little bit of a hard time connecting. And I’m not sure if that’s just our our story. So then we got to really make that bond afterwards. But I think that was probably part of it was just like, oh, you’re here. And then eventually, I was like, I didn’t know it was you. Like, I didn’t realize it was you that was in my belly and with me the whole time. Like once I got to see her and like meet her, then then things had really changed for us. So she’s like,

Dr. Rebecca Dekker – 00:44:36:

it’s okay, mom. Like, you know, yeah, she was learning all about you the whole time you were pregnant. And, and then you get to look in each other in the eye and say hello.

Iris Casey – 00:44:48:

Yeah, it was such a special time. And I’m just so happy that I could also give her this birth story in a way or go along. I believe that she started the whole process and she was ready to come. And I’m just so proud that I could follow through all of that and give her a really nice birth story that she’ll be able to look back on to, such a special moment.

Dr. Rebecca Dekker – 00:45:11:

It was a true team effort between you, your baby, Will, your doula, your midwives, your student?

Iris Casey – 00:45:18:

Yeah.

Dr. Rebecca Dekker – 00:45:19:

It just sounds like you were just held and surrounded for that last hour and a half. But it’s a good reminder, too, that just because it’s your first time doesn’t mean that it’s going to be a long labor. And sometimes people are surprised when it moves faster than they expected. But everybody’s birth story is unique.

Iris Casey – 00:45:39:

Yep. Yeah, exactly. It was. So about I would estimate around 11 hours. But for those first couple hours. I just wasn’t like really doing much. So it just felt-

Dr. Rebecca Dekker – 00:45:50:

You were kind of out of it sleeping and, yeah.

Iris Casey – 00:45:52:

Just felt pretty quick there. Yeah, I kind of I call it like a freight train. It was just like it just kept going no matter what and just kept getting faster and more intense. But we rode it and made it through it.

Dr. Rebecca Dekker – 00:46:07:

I know a lot of your motivation for having a home birth was because you felt like you would feel safer at home during labor. What was the postpartum experience like doing that immediate recovery at home?

Iris Casey – 00:46:19:

Yeah, that’s actually a really good question because I did need a little bit of support from the midwives during that time. We were able to stay in the tub for a while and just kind of get to know each other. Then the placenta, it was time for the placenta to come out. So the midwife helped me with that. And after that, there was some extra bleeding. So they asked if they could give me some herbs to try to help with that. Everything that they did was asking kind of and offering options. So they asked about potentially getting out of the tub just to be able to better see what was going on. We handed Roselle off to Will and they got to do some skin to skin time. And those pictures are so sweet of the first time they were together. So when I got over to the edge of the tub, they asked if I was feeling like dizzy or anything. And I was like, no, I’m fine. But then as soon as I tried to start getting up, I felt pretty dizzy. And my hearing kind of was really muffled. Interestingly, they both as soon as I said that the midwife and assistant both just like put our hands under my armpits and just like help me out like it was nothing and it was totally fine. We had a mattress set up next to the birth pool. That was the one that Will struggled to get the, you know, waterproof cover on. And I they helped me lay down there. 

And then instantly, Roselle was just back right next to me. So she was only away from me for just those like minutes of, you know, connecting with dad. And then they asked if they could give me a shot of Pitocin. And I didn’t even think twice about it. Because I was like, I trust them. I know that they have my best interest. I don’t need to worry about should I do this or not? And I just said yes. Then we were just doing, trying to start nursing at that point. And they were kind of just assessing how things were going and everything was fine after that. So just needed a little bit of extra help there. And we were able to spend a lot of time. I think it was at least two hours of just like laying there. And her first latch was really sweet and they got some nice pictures of it. And she just like nursed and nursed and nursed for a really long time. So they delayed all of the baby checks for a while until she spent a good time nursing. Then we did baby checks with Roselle and it was really fun. They were all trying to guess her weight. They were all really close eyeballing her and guessing her weight, which was funny. But the midwife was the closest.

Dr. Rebecca Dekker – 00:48:42:

How much did she weigh?

Iris Casey – 00:48:43:

She weighed eight pounds, three ounces. Yeah. They’re like, she’s kind of a big baby. And I was like, I have no frame of reference. She’s perfect. She also had very much a cone head and didn’t even bother me at all. I didn’t even really realize looking back at pictures. I’m like, whoa, yeah, that’s significant. So they kept reassuring me, don’t worry, her head will go back to normal. People must normally ask about it, but I just had no clue. It was all good. She looked perfect to me. So after that, we, it was time to do a bottom check for me. And I was, I did talk to them ahead of time about just, you know, some of my concerns and worries and things. And when we did have that conversation, it was really beneficial because they were so understanding and it was great. It really helped with our trust. So we decided that I’d be able to have Roselle on me the whole time when they were doing the bottom check. And I had, I had no problems with it. And then I ended up-

Dr. Rebecca Dekker – 00:49:42:

Did you have any exam, like cervical exams or vaginal exams during labor or not?

Iris Casey – 00:49:48:

During labor, one time they had asked me, if I wanted to feel her head to see where it was at. So I did reach up and I felt, I knew that it would feel kind of squishy. It did feel very squishy. And it was pretty close. And it felt probably about like golf ball size. And then they were like, oh, can you check during a contraction to see like, I’m guessing this was during pushing, but at that point I still didn’t really realize what was happening to see like how close she is. And I was like, no, I need both of my hands held during contractions. I can’t check anything. And they’re like, oh, do you like, and what do you think about, Jade checking. So I guess Jade checked to see where her head was, but it was like one or two knuckles like in, she was just right there. So- that was the only kind of…

Dr. Rebecca Dekker – 00:50:31:

That was the only time you had anybody’s hands down there.

Iris Casey – 00:50:34:

Yeah. Yeah. And I don’t need, like, I don’t remember, like, feeling anything or being uncomfortable with it. So it was just…

Dr. Rebecca Dekker – 00:50:39:

Yeah.

Iris Casey – 00:50:40:

Yeah, that was totally fine.

Dr. Rebecca Dekker – 00:50:41:

That’s, that’s the thing to think about too. That is something more common at home births is the option to not have checks unless you really want one.

Iris Casey – 00:50:50:

Yeah. There we talked to, so every appointment that I would go in for, um, during pregnancy, I always had a list of questions for them. So I would tell them like, okay, you can ask your questions first. Cause they have the same ones they ask every week and we can do any, you know, things that we need to do. And then I have my questions and they always would laugh and be like, we love your questions. So I would have different things about like, how do you deal with delivering the placenta? Uh, how do you deal with, yeah, vaginal exams? What do you do for this? So I knew that like how they practiced and they really don’t, they don’t offer them. And they knew that was part of what I wrote up for kind of my, my birth outline was don’t, you don’t need to offer anything. Um, the main midwife said the only time that they would, you know, offer it is if somebody felt like they needed to go and be transferred to the hospital, then they would offer it. Just to make sure that a baby wasn’t going to be born in the car. So I didn’t. Yeah, I didn’t feel like I needed that at all. And what’s funny afterwards, I went to a breastfeeding group at one of our local hospitals and it was baby friendly hospital and it was a really nice group. And the nurse there, she had been doing nursing for like longer than I’ve been alive. And she was super excited about the fact that I had a home birth, but also could not believe that I didn’t have any vaginal exams during labor. So.

Dr. Rebecca Dekker – 00:52:07:

It is possible to give birth without a vaginal exam. It’s not a requirement for a birth to happen.

Iris Casey – 00:52:13:

Yeah, nobody needed to tell me.

Dr. Rebecca Dekker – 00:52:15:

It’s a good reminder for nurses. It is a good reminder.

Iris Casey – 00:52:17:

Yeah, nobody needed to tell me when to push. My body was just doing it. I just needed to like keep on it. So I did have two first degree tears that needed some sutures. So I opted to have the main midwife do those sutures. And it was honestly, it was a really comfortable experience. It was kind of fun almost because I think because I had some of the birth high going on right away. Like Roselle was just laying on my chest and I was laying in bed. You know, we were all just chatting and talking about how awesome she was and how well everything went. And they brought me eggs. And it was just like. It was great.

Dr. Rebecca Dekker – 00:52:51:

A party.

Iris Casey – 00:52:51:

Yeah, it was kind of like a party. Yeah, everybody was just like there for me and like supporting me. It was just like, yeah, I felt so cared for. I also did get some fluids when I had went to the bathroom. I still felt pretty dizzy. So they asked if I wanted some IV fluids. So I opted to go for that too. So it’s also kind of a reminder of like all the things that they can do at home. If you need them or if you choose them, they can do a lot of the same things to help be more comfortable afterwards. So that’s where it just… Tucked into bed and they cleaned everything up like little midwife ninjas and everything was just kind of back to normal. But then Roselle was there. So it was just an amazing time. So much love and care during those first couple hours of her life.

Dr. Rebecca Dekker – 00:53:40:

Well, thank you, Iris, so much for sharing your birth story with us. And we only have a couple minutes left, but I know we kind of started this whole conversation with your, you know, conflicted feelings about parenthood. And now that you’re about two years into having your baby, earthside, any final thoughts or words you want to share?

Iris Casey – 00:54:00:

Yeah, I think that that journey has really made me realize how excited I am about birth work. And about birth in general. And just even now afterwards, I still love listening to the EBB Podcast and my other birth podcasts every Wednesday when they come out. So it’s helped me realize like some joy that I didn’t realize before and the potential of doing something different that would really bring me some happiness. I see that as part of my journey of working towards becoming a postpartum doula. So I’m doing some work on that now. I also am hoping to kind of bring in some like postpartum meal prep because that was a challenge for me during the postpartum time. And something that I like to do is cooking with people and just connecting with people. So I’m very slowly but looking forward to starting up my own business of helping support other moms in that scenario. And maybe in the future after putting some time in, I’ll be able to join the EBB Instructor Class and bring an instructor to Wisconsin so that we have people here that can put the class on too.

Dr. Rebecca Dekker – 00:55:16:

That’s wonderful, Iris. I feel like it’s amazing how stories come full circle. And we’ll also link to my cousin’s birth story, Malisa Dekker. She had a similar empowering home birth that led to her wanting to do postpartum doula nutrition work. So Iris, thank you. Yeah, thank you so much for coming on the podcast and for just uplifting all our spirits today. And I think it is important to remember the joy in birth work and parenting and pregnancy and birth. Like, there are difficult and sad and hard times, but there’s also joy. So thank you for bringing that to us today.

Iris Casey – 00:55:51:

Yes. Thanks so much for having me.

Dr. Rebecca Dekker – 00:55:53:

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