Many of you may have noticed that I don’t write as often as I did. There are several reasons for that. Firstly, my work with SimPal now dominates my life. Being able to make a tangible difference to peoples lives daily, makes a big difference to my own wellbeing. Secondly, I find that throughout my many years of writing about cancer, I have previously covered almost every aspect of it. Thirdly and probably most importantly, I’m bored of the subject! Despite so much discussion over many years I believe the cancer sector has regressed at least 15years. I have no energy left for flaky politicians, and multi million pound charities who continually try to influence them. Ultimately, things will only change if us, the people demand it. However, it seems that for most people their healthcare is less important than other things.
I have given up most of my cancer work, including at my local centre, and you probably won’t see me at any public events. My personal emotional reward from it is now zero. Thankfully, my charity is now the leading organisation in the UK for helping those in digital poverty. With the NHS as its largest user. My healthcare knowledge, experience and reputation has made the transformation easy. Daily I can see the impact of my work. Unlike my 15+ years in the cancer world, where admittedly I understood it would be for the long haul.
Ironic then, as I try to move away from cancer, I was told that I had Avascular Necrosis. A gift from my steroidal treatment, in the early years of my disease. The good news is that it can be fixed. The bad news, both hips will need to be replaced. So after being placed on a seemingly never ending waiting list, 10 days ago, the day finally arrived where my right hip was replaced. After my history of health, I am frightened of nothing, and viewed the op as just another obstacle to overcome. But my goodness what an impact it had on me, in such a short time. This is why I felt the need to write about.
Firstly, I’m ten years older now, than when I had my previous operation. The anaesthetic made me feel so ill, I wasn’t even worried about my new hip. Due to my ‘complex health history,’ I had to stay in longer than other patients, of course. When I left hospital, I was given a set of crutches, a raised toilet seat, (don’t ask) and a litter picker type gadget to help pull up my trousers.
I had re-entered the nightmare world, where reaching the toilet on time was considered great progress. Being able to put two steps together, got me applause. OMG, what had happened to me? My independence has been taken yet again. From this operation, the biggest challenge I faced was emotional. I didn’t want to answer the phone, or see anyone, there was nothing left in the tank. Forcing me to put the charity and everything else on hold. What if the old me had gone forever?
Now I’ve been for a few walks, with one crutch, and went to our local restaurant last night. I’ve reopened some parts of my life, and can go up and down stairs now. There is a bucket list holiday coming up in February, before I plan to get the left hip done on my return. I’ve learned so much in recent years, and just wanted to share it with you in case you found yourself in similar circumstances.
We all know that once cancer has entered your life, you will be forever living with a dark cloud. My dream, was to make a big impact in the sector and make things better for people affected by the disease. Reality now tells me that dream was too big, and I will always feel frustrated about what I continue to see and experience. However I have now found peace with myself, and will spend more time with my charity, and doing things that satisfy me. Not trying to fight a system that in reality has no interest in change.
As always, these are my own experiences and opinions. Please feel free to share yours below.
