This adorable newborn picture is proof of my planning-ahead prowess (and also my love of anything involving a theme, costume, and/or celebration).
Since my first child was due in October, I was obviously going to make sure we got an amazing Christmas card picture during our newborn photo session. So, I consulted Pinterest, conferred with our photographer, et voilà !
I always have lots of plans bubbling cheerfully away on the back burner of my mind.
It’s just how I’m wired. And boy, do I love it when a plan comes together! It brings me so much joy and satisfaction.
It follows, though, that when things interfere with my planning, I get discouraged.
Probably more than the average bear.
I’m working on it.
And I have lots of opportunities to do so.
Having two children with autism somehow requires elite-level planning and simultaneously defies all attempts to plan.
If you know, you know.
Most of us have so many plans for our kids—and by extension, our family—before they are even born. Perhaps some of these things are just general impressions in a misty future, like family game nights or fun family vacations. Likely, some plans are more specific—in my case, the declaration that my children would start piano lessons at age four.
For my family, autism has required the alteration of pretty much everything. Very little in our family life is what I imagined it would be.
Sometimes, the letting go of the things planned for feels like a wound.
As the years roll by, the letting go becomes less painful, and the embracing of the often serendipitous present is filled with its own kind of joy. But still, sometimes it feels like I’m being asked to graciously let go of too much.
This is an ache I feel most keenly around the holidays. Among many other things, I want to be the person who starts planning our Christmas card in January and spends the year perfecting the vision and curating our outfits. Instead, I am currently in a season where that’s not my story. We only take selfies and photos in the wild now.
I’m learning to embrace different plans and to sometimes (gasp!) not have a plan at all.
And you know what? There’s almost always joy to be found.
Written by Rebekah Holmes from The Holmes Team
