I recently marked one year since I took early retirement from my career to stay home with my son, Zachary who lives with severe autism.
I have always worked full-time throughout his life, but once we realized he would always require 24/7 care, our goal was for me to care for Zachary full-time after he graduated high school. As a senior, he started saying, “Stay home, Mama,” every morning, so we knew he had the same goal.
It took us about three years after he graduated to meet that goal. I am Zachary’s co-guardian with Michael. In Missouri, guardians cannot get paid for caring for a loved one, so Michael worked hard to put us in a position to live without my income.
In the meantime, Zachary attended a day program right after graduation (which was not a good fit for him). Then, we transitioned to having Direct Support Professionals (DSPs) care for him in our home while I worked daily.
I am grateful Zachary now has my full attention. My thoughts are no longer clouded by meetings, deadlines, and office politics. I have the freedom to reimagine what his life can look like, and I love that.
I feel like Zachary has thrived since I retired. It has been fun creating ways to engage him each day. Our lunch outings and impromptu community trips have meant a lot to me. I have experienced many joy-filled moments as we have spent our days together this past year.
I worked hard in my career and climbed some ladders, but I always knew my purpose and worth were not tied to that. God put it on my heart long ago that my nest would never be empty. This year has confirmed that home with Zachary is where I belong.
I am grateful I am healthy and able to transition to the title of lifelong caregiver.
I take pride in helping Zachary with all of his daily needs. I assist him with all of his hygiene needs, from showering to dressing to toileting. I keep him safe and engaged. My goal each day is to make it meaningful for him and give him the dignity he deserves.
Caregiving is demanding, emotional, and beautiful at the same time. It requires quiet courage and an “other-centered” heart, which I pray for daily.
I won’t lie; I have struggled this past year with feeling isolated. Work gave me an outlet to connect with others, and not having that resource has been an adjustment.
Thankfully, I have a small but mighty support system around me: Michael, my mom, and a few others. I can reach out to them when I need conversation or a listening ear.
For years, the idea of Zachary continuing to require full-time care through adulthood scared us. We couldn’t imagine what life would be like; we thought the only version of success for him was independence.
I am so grateful that over the years, our hearts began to understand and accept that Zachary’s journey would look different but could still be great.
There would be no empty nest, no weddings, and no grandchildren for us. God had a different plan—one that is intrinsically meaningful, challenging, and rewarding—a life that has carved us into new versions of ourselves that we never knew existed.
I am grateful the three of us have made it here. Here’s to infinity and beyond!
Written by Heather Woodring of Everyday Adventures with Zachary
