To the Mumma who has just received an autism diagnosis,
I see you, I hear you, and I was you.
You knew what it was long before the doctor even mentioned the words. You had noticed the signs, watched how your child met milestones and then just stopped, almost regressing overnight.
You’re painfully aware of your best friend’s child who is talking in sentences while your child seems lost in his own world most of the time.
“You shouldn’t compare; kids all develop in their own time” – you’ll hear this constantly, and while you want to believe it, the voice in your head is telling you that they are wrong.
You’ll make excuses when you see people: “he’s just tired,” so you don’t have to explain that he doesn’t like to be looked at because eye contact has always been really upsetting for him.
You have playdates, but your child sits on his own, lining his cars up endlessly, completely unaware of the children running around him.
The meltdowns are tough, on him and on you. You’re still learning all his triggers, figuring out how to help him self-regulate.
There will be many nights when you feel like a failure, but this is now, it isn’t forever.
You’re doing your best.
It’s so hard at the beginning: endless appointments and professionals just measuring your child on their weaknesses. Believe me when I tell you, your child was never meant to follow their line; he will find his own way there, and it will be a beautiful ride.
Diagnosis has given you a name, but you will be the one who takes him to all of his appointments. You will be the one who figures out what he needs and how you will get there.
You will learn how to soothe him when he is upset and how to hold him through a meltdown. It’s going to be a fight, a long battle to get him what he needs, but you’ll get there because that little fire inside you will burn through bridges to make sure your child is given every opportunity to succeed.
You will start to celebrate the little things: the using of any words, a fork, a cup, because he deserves to know just how amazing he is.
You will clap so loud, he will never doubt himself because you’re always right behind him, cheering him on. It’s in these moments you really see the beauty that comes with autism: the way he watches the trees sway in the breeze or the way the grass feels under his feet first thing in the morning.
The first time he says “mumma,” it will take your breath away. He knows who you are; you’re his person. You are so important to him. Always remember that feeling. You’ve got this.
I see you, I hear you, I am with you.
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