This guest post is by Ethan Burgmann, a young man on the autism spectrum who has been accepted to Grand Canyon University. Ethan is applying for the Spring 2025 Making a Difference Autism Scholarship via the nonprofit KFM Making a Difference started by me, Kerry Magro. I was nonverbal till 2.5 and diagnosed with autism at 4, and you can read more about my organization here. Autistics on Autism: Stories You Need to Hear About What Helped Them While Growing Up and Pursuing Their Dreams, our nonprofit’s new book, was released on March 29, 2022, on Amazon here for our community to enjoy featuring the stories of 100 autistic adults.
Picture this. The first image has a small boy laying flat on the cold kitchen floor, his head cradled in his arms not wanting to face another math homework problem. His dad lays on the ground beside him with just one hand placed on his back in comfort. Click. The second image is a series of shoes lined up on the floor. It may seem like an odd picture, but each shoe represents a tantrum a child threw because the sock was not right and the shoe felt weird on his foot. On this particular morning, the child went through six different pairs before finding one that would work. Click. The final image has a boy sitting at a table with his head resting on his arms. His homework is underneath him, and he is clearly defeated with tears in his eyes. Click. What do all of these pictures have in common? Each one is a real, captured moment in my life where my disability of Autism got the better of me. There are many more; there are just not many that are documented by a camera. This is my journey with autism.
At the age of 5, I was diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder with accompanying language impairment, and, through the years, I had no idea that this word of “Autism” even existed. I remember well the night that my mom actually told me I was Autistic. I was 14 years old. We were sitting at the table doing homework, and I asked her “Why am I not normal?” She then explained my autism to me, how no person is completely normal, how all humans have different strengths and weaknesses, and how I have a set of my own that I will constantly face. Immediately, I felt deficient, different and disabled. That’s just it, though, for a big part of my life, I never felt like anything was different about me compared to others. However, it was once I got into high school that I became more aware of my challenges. I just felt different from my peers. I became more reserved. I enjoyed being alone more. I guess, in a way, I grew up some. I was aware that I had to work so much harder than many of the people around me when it came to school. What took them a class period to do, it took me hours sitting with my mom’s help after school. It still does, and it honestly is frustrating and hard. There are times I just wish I could understand math or hear a lecture and automatically get it or ace every test. However, it takes me so much more. On top of all of my struggles academically, I have a hard time being around people. I sometimes don’t connect as well with others, and, as mentioned before, I struggle to understand people around me. Therefore, on this night, when I learned there was a label to my struggles, some of all of these feelings started to make sense. Since that moment, I have had a few responses. I have ignored it. I have denied it. I have even “quit” it.
However, it was spring of my junior year, in my Dual Enrollment English class, that I decided to really research it, understand it, and accept it. Ultimately, my pursuit ever since has been to learn more about my specific diagnosis and how I can be proud and embrace who I am. The first part of accepting it was trying to understand it. I wrote a 20 page paper researching how I can take being a little different and use it for good. I researched my own diagnosis and what exactly are my larger weaknesses. I researched others with Autism and how they handle themselves. Finally, I researched practices that might help me in my weakness. Through this process, I grew incredibly in courage, strength and acceptance.
This journey empowered me, but not only did it help me, it empowered others. During my class, it took courage to stand up in front of my peers and announce who I am and the struggles I have. Since then, others in my school have come to me voicing their same struggles. Seeing this happen, I realize I have purpose in all of it, and I want to keep helping others. Ultimately, I have learned that Autism is not a weakness, but a gift. It makes me unique, but it also makes me better. I want others to know that too.
Picture this. In this fourth image, I am confident. I am decked out in a Clark Kent/Superman costume, and I just ran for Student Body President at my elementary school in 5th grade. If I am honest, I gave a “SUPER” speech – quite literally. Click. To conclude this essay on my journey with Autism, this final picture is necessary to reflect on. I have certainly had moments of frustration, hurt, anger, and sadness in relation to my diagnosis. However, I am learning to stop focusing on the weaknesses of it all, and to instead focus on some strengths. And picture #4 is one of the strengths. This is a moment where confidence, grit, positivity, and courage win. This was a moment where I did not think of what I wasn’t, but I focused on what I could be. Superman also was known to question why he was so different from others. Like him, I have had questions. However, it is good to learn about my diagnosis and who I am. It is key that I am honest and share my story with others. Finally, it is important to focus more on my strengths. I am a fighter, and I can and will battle the weaknesses I face. Like Superman said, “There is a superhero in all of us. We just need the courage to put on the cape.” I am ready to put on my SUPER cape of Autism.
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My name is Kerry Magro, a professional speaker and best-selling author who is also on the autism spectrum. I started the nonprofit KFM Making a Difference in 2011 to help students with autism receive scholarship aid to pursue post-secondary education. Help support me so I can continue to help students with autism go to college by making a tax-deductible donation to our nonprofit here.
Autistics on Autism: Stories You Need to Hear About What Helped Them While Growing Up and Pursuing Their Dreams was released on March 29, 2022 on Amazon here for our community to enjoy featuring the stories of 100 autistic adults. 100% of the proceeds from this book will go back to our nonprofit to support initiatives like our autism scholarship program. In addition, this autistic adult’s essay you just read will be featured in a future volume of this book as we plan on making this into a series of books on autistic adults.
