This morning I walked downstairs to my sweet boy sitting on the couch, surrounded by his treasures.
He waved. It was quick though. He was very busy watching his shows. He takes his show watching very serious. Especially on early mornings.
‘Cooper, it’s mom’s birthday today!’ I said.
Now I don’t know what I expected. Not words of course. But a cheer. A smile. A gasp. But nothing. He looked back down. It stung. Like a tiny bee sting or a poke in the side. But the pain is duller these days. It doesn’t take my breath anymore. It’s just enough to take notice.
That’s how it’s changed over the years for me. What used to drop me to my knees now stings. We’ve gotten stronger, he and I.
As I made my coffee, steps away from him, I thought back to being 28, and when I first became a mom. I was such a different woman then. Untouched by autism. Oblivious to the beauty and possibilities in being different. I knew nothing of adversity.
Not really.
Sid the Science kid singing ‘Happy Birthday!!!!!’ on my son’s iPad. I looked back to see the biggest smile on my sunshine boys face as he pointed to his ear and then to his iPad, nonverbally telling me to listen.
‘It’s my birthday! And we will have cake and balloons and presents…’ said Sid, the PBS Kids character.
And then he clapped and pointed to me. He was using the character to communicate with me.
I sobbed right there. I couldn’t help it. The happy tears fell from my eyes. He knew. He understood. He just had to find the words and way to tell me.
This is his autism. Complicated, creative, beautiful, and in his own time.
I can say with certainty that this was the best birthday gift I have ever received.
Thanks buddy. I love you.
Today, we shall party! In our own way.
Finding Cooper’s Voice is a safe, humorous, caring and honest place where you can celebrate the unique challenges of parenting a special needs child. Because you’re never alone in the struggles you face. And once you find your people, your allies, your village….all the challenges and struggles will seem just a little bit easier. Welcome to our journey. You can also follow us on Facebook.
